Sigh….

I have been dating this guy for three years now. let me tell you how we met first. I met him at work because a former coworker got him the job. My former coworker and I would occasionally hang out, so it was only a matter of time that I would hang out with him too. We all hung out together maybe three or four times, when my former coworker told me, “so my friend likes you.

He thinks your too good for him so he could never approach you” I was a bit shocked. I have never been told I was too good for someone. I’m not ugly, but I guess I have never dated a guy that was uglier than me, so I wasn’t used to being told that i’m too attractive. Anyways, i’m shocked that he feels this way, so I, still not sure if I liked him, gave him a chance and started hanging out with him alone on purpose. I wanted to get to know him. I have dated such jerks in my life that I was ready to finally give a good guy a chance. Getting to know him, I thought he was shy, sweet, and was overly attracted to me, which I really liked. But i just wanted him to relax. After three months of hanging out with him, I decided I liked him and I went over his house one night, and had sex. After that, we pretty much were a couple.

We were inseparable. I have never been with someone so helpful, kind, and modest. At least that’s what I thought…. We went on maybe five months in the honeymoon phase, until, he began getting text messages from this old high school friend. A girl. He did tell me about her and told me she was highly depressed and she recently had to go to a place to take her mind off suicide. I didn’t think too much from it since this girl sound a bit harmless (no pun intended) But maybe a month went by and I noticed they would still talk, and I even one time was over his place, watching a movie with him. He gets a call. Laying down together, he didn’t get up or anything but had the conversation there with me on his bed. This was like a 20 minute talk, she was doing most the talking. I was annoyed I realized and didn’t make myself seem like I wasn’t.

I wanted him to know I was annoyed that he was on the phone with some other girl for 20 minutes. Why would she call him? He told me they use to skype a lot back when they were close friends. She just needed someone back from home to talk to. Okay. Another month passes, and I already was a bit suspicious, so I did the unthinkable. I snooped his phone one day while he was asleep. She had plans to come home and visit. He was excited on text and had a lot of plans for both of them to hang out once she arrived. They’d do a lot of touristy cool things to take things off her mind. Anyway, long story short, I snooped and now knew too much.

I was pretty upset for weeks as I counted the days that she would arrive to the city. I started making plans with him on purpose to see what he’d say. He kept saying, “yeah, maybe if you don’t work.” I kept trying to bring it out of him. Why the fuck was he keeping this a secret? It was pissing me off more and more knowing that she arrived in days, and he still hasn’t told me. I was too embarrassed to admit that I snooped so I couldn’t. So much for a good guy, I kept thinking. But at that point, I loved him too god damn much. I was actually obsessively in love with him. Anyway, the day comes that she is here. Not one word yet, and he even dropped me off work. I couldn’t think straight at work and could;t wait to leave so I could go find him. I kept imagining him taking her to all the cool cute places we’ve been too. I resented it so much. I kept texting him all day at work and he would respond. I was really confused. Why would he keep her a secret. Unlesssssss…. he liked her? I was very jealous. I got off work and I texted him. He said he was out at a show with his guy friend if I wanted to come. It surprised me. I still was upset. I got there and he seemed so happy to see me, was being very nice, I was being fake polite, and still was mad.

I kept wanting to look at his phone, but how? I lied, and told him my phone died and i needed to make a call. He said okay. I walked outside and snooped. I read how she thanked him for the “sweet time’ He said yes, that he had a blast too, and that they should do it again once she officially moves back home. She said yes. I was fuming. I was soooo mad because what I just read happened maybe an hour or two before I left work. They hung out in the city, by the beach, and he even took her to my favorite dessert place that I GOT HIM INTO. I was so mad. I was shaking cause of how mad I was. I walked back and I handed him the phone. i didn’t do a good job hiding my frustration. He automatically asked me what was wrong. I didn’t say anything and just walked out. He followed me. He yelled for me and I wouldn’t answer. He yelled more and I finally spit everthing out. “ I know you hung out with another girl!!!!!!!!!!!!” He stayed quiet as I continued to shout at him about her and everthing I knew.

He finally seemed upset and asked me why did I look through his phone. I just started crying and asked him why would he keep her from me. WHY? He hesitantly just told me he didn’t want to make me mad. I screamed at him for being stupid for thinking I wouldn’t find out and yada yada yada. Anyways, long story short on this night, I cried and he took me home and apologized. It took me maybe three days to forgive him. He told me nothing happened and she’s just a friend from high school, and he’s known her since he was in middle school. We are both 23 btw. Okay, I forgave him, but still was a bit upset. I noticed she would constantly tag him in things on social media. It upset me a lot, but I kinda wanted to let it go cause I did also have male friends. I wouldn’t hang out with them anymore or alone cause I was in a relationship. Anyway, a couple months go by, and we begin to get a long greatly again. I am still jealous of his speaking to this girl cause, this girl kinda looked a lot like me. So I knew for a fact he was attracted. Was she? who knew. I became a snoop and would snoop his phone a lot while he slept. I felt horrible doing so. But at that point, I couldn’t help it. She was pretty harmless still and never go to forward with her flirting.

Although, it was there. He started going out with friends more and more and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t there, cause at this point, she moved back. They haven’t hung out even though they had plans to do so. She would cancel on him which would make me happy. More months go by, I just would snoop for fun. We took a vacation to california, to visit my family, and when we got to our hotel, I decided to snoop. I wanted to know what they’ve been talking about since I haven’t snooped in maybe three weeks. She just talked to him about how her depression getting better and yada yada yada and he consoled her with memes and talking about how she’ll get through it. It bothered me, as bad as it sounds, because I also suffered from depression, and not once has he told me “it will one day get better’ He actually would avoid getting to deep in conversation. Anyway, I read everything and I clicked from her messages to find some other girls recent message. I didn’t see this coming. This message with this other girl was a girl he maybe met a week ago, before we left to california. She said she couldn’t wait to see him again. He texted her back with “you are so cute. I can’t wait to see you to and cuddle.” Let me get this off my chest. When I read that, I remember my heart really hurting. I felt like someone punched me in the chest and It was on fire. He was asleep right next to me and I just cried and finally went crazy and woke him up.

Before I woke him up though, I messaged her back on his phone and asked her who is she? I told her I was his girlfriend and wanted to know why she was texting him. She messaged back pretty quickly and apologized. She told me he did not tell her about me. I asked her what they did behind my back. She said he kissed her but she did not know about me. She at that point was saying he was a scumbag and that he didn’t deserve me. I cried and cried and that’s when I woke him up to this. He looked like he wanted to die when I told him that I messaged the girl. He sat up on the bed and didn’t say anything when I kept asking him ‘why” He grabbed the phone from me and just hugged me. He hugged me for maybe 5 minutes. He then finally got up and said he had to go. I told him not to that I was scared being alone in the hotel. He walked off and I ran after him. He locked himself in his car and just texted on his phone. I realized, he was messaging her. I cried outside his car and he finally let me in.

He then finally revealed his true colors to me which left me traumatized. He told me, he has never met a hot girl in his life that wanted him {he was talking about her, not me) and that he would be crazy not to reciprocate with her. I was speechless. My world had just tilted upside down. One moment, I believe this guy is the one for me, he would never hurt me because he was the nicest guy I’ve ever met that was supposedly so attracted to me and liked me a lot, to being the guy that was hurting me the most. He explained that he never wanted a relationship with me, that he just found me attractive and couldn’t believe I gave him a chance. But now he was bored. He wanted to go with another prettier girl. He told me all of this and even went on to explain science to me. He explained how, if you eat the same fruit over and over again, that you will get tired of it. He explained how he has never kissed such a hot girl before (her) When he said that, I was just silent. I will never forget that. He pretty much said I wasn’t actually that attractive and that this girl was by far the best he’s almost had.

Don’t forget guys, we are on our vacation. I’m outside the hotel with him in the parking lot so far from home. My parents were already three hours away and i didn;t want to disturb them. I was a bit broke and I couldn’t leave. He said he would get us tickets back home right away. I didn’t sleep that entire night but we did sleep on the same bed. He went back to sleep. I was on the other side of the bed, crying my eyes out. I remember I couldn’t breathe at one point and just wanted it all to be a dream. At one point I remember thinking “what if i just hug him and cuddle like we always do, and it will all just go away. this horrible night will just go away.” I didn’t but I was really tempted. I loved him so much, my heart was torn and he just slept so soundly next to me. We got back home and I lost maybe 30 pounds leaving me emaciated. I was severely depressed. I really believed this was the guy I would one day marry. I thought this guy was the one to rescue me from all the bad guys I’ve dated. I thought he was the good guy a girl needed to give a chance to. So i thought. Love is blind everyone.

Please, please, be careful with your heart. No matter how good it looks, it might be worse than the others. What hurt me the most is how composed he was when he knew how broken I was inside. He did not care. I cried next to my phone for months and no message or anything. Please don’t lie to people and tell them you love them if you don’t. Please, don’t murder people that way.

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He told me, he has never met a hot girl in his life that wanted him {he was talking about her, not me) and that he would be crazy not to reciprocate with her. I was speechless. Please don’t lie to people and tell them you love them if you don’t. Please, don’t murder people that way.

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