WHO THE F*CK IS COLLEEN HEIDEMANN? BUCKLE UP, SNOWFLAKES—SHE’S THE 72-YEAR-OLD ALPHA QUEEN CRUSHING YOUR EXCUSES
Listen here, broke boys and basic influencers. While you’re crying about algorithms, “aging gracefully,” or why your 15-minute fame vanished, there’s a 72-YEAR-OLD LEGEND out here DOMINATING Instagram with 794k followers, serving SUPREME SAVAGERY, and winning like she’s still in her 20s. Her name? COLLEEN HEIDEMANN. And if you don’t know her, you’re already LOSING.
Let me break it down for you soft-minded NPCs:
1. AGE IS A LIAR’S CRUTCH—AND SHE JUST BURNED IT TO THE GROUND
You think 72 is “old”? Tell that to Colleen while she’s out here slaying harder than your favorite TikTok e-girl. Wrinkles? She calls them trophy marks. Gray hair? That’s LUXURY SILVER—a flex the peasant majority couldn’t afford if they tried.
While you’re doomscrolling and crying about your metabolism slowing down, SHE’S REINVENTING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A GODDAMN ICON. Most of you are built like overcooked noodles by 35, but Colleen? She’s walking runways, dripping in designer, and hitting poses that’d make your girlfriend insecure. 72 IS JUST A NUMBER, BUT HER WINNING IS A LIFESTYLE.
Crying about “getting old”? Grow a backbone. This woman’s existence is a war cry against your pathetic excuses.
2. SHE’S NOT HERE TO FIT IN—SHE’S HERE TO BURN YOUR MINDSET TO ASH
Colleen doesn’t “age gracefully.” Grace is for people who ask permission. SHE AGES DOMINANTLY. Every post? A middle finger to society’s rules. Every photoshoot? Anarchy in stilettos. She’s not chasing trends—SHE IS THE TREND. While you’re busy mimicking Gen-Z lingo for clout, she’s redefining power on her own terms.
And those “Cruella de Vil vibes”? Oh, you noticed? THAT’S THE POINT. She’s not your cuddly granny baking cookies. She’s the bossy, unapologetic VILLAIN your Disney princess dreams fear. CRUELLA DIDN’T ASK TO BE LIKED—SHE DEMANDED RESPECT. Colleen? Same energy. Real queens don’t beg for attention; they THRIVE on your shock.
3. HER INSTAGRAM? A MASTERCLASS IN UNYIELDING DISCIPLINE
You think 794k followers are an accident? HARD PASS, SNOWFLAKE. While you’re posting half-assed selfies between Uber Eats binges, she’s grinding like a Navy SEAL. HIGH VALUE DOESN’T RETIRE. Her feed is a blueprint of consistency: fierce looks, no-filter confidence, and the discipline of a WARRIOR.
Every photo says: “I woke up and chose violence against mediocrity.” She didn’t crawl into a rocking chair—SHE BUILT A THRONE. And her “retirement plan”? Probably buying yachts with the cash you spend on avocado toast.
4. THE WEAK HATE HER. THE STRONG SECRETLY WANT TO BE HER
Let’s be real: Society PUNISHES women who refuse to vanish after 30. But Colleen? She’s the glitch in the matrix. The Karens are mad because she’s living proof that hunger doesn’t expire. The jealous keyboard warriors? They’re too busy editing their Facetune fails to admit she’s EVERYTHING they’re not: FEARLESS. RELENTLESS. A FREAK OF EXCELLENCE.
And the men? Laughing all the way to the bank? Wrong. REAL MEN RESPECT HUSTLE. Those who don’t? They’re boys in dad bods, seething that a 72-year-old woman out-alpha’s their entire bloodline.
5. THE BOTTOM LINE? YOU’RE OUT OF EXCUSES
Colleen Heidemann isn’t “inspirational.” She’s a reckoning. Her whole life is a victory lap around your self-imposed limitations. Too old? Too late? Not talented enough? Save your sob story for someone who cares—which, hint, ISN’T HER.
If a 72-year-old can build an empire of influence, then YOU, with your “prime years” ahead, have ZERO right to play victim. EVERY SECOND YOU WASTE IS A BETRAYAL TO YOUR POTENTIAL.
FINAL WORD: STOP APOLOGIZING. START DOMINATING
The world’s divided into two kinds of people: Those who OBEY limits, and those like Colleen who PISS ON THEM.
She’s not just a model. Not just a “super slay diva.” SHE’S A FIVE-STAR GENERAL IN THE WAR AGAINST WEAKNESS. Cruella vibes? Hell yes. Because villains don’t follow rules—THEY WRITE THEM.
Now ask yourself: Are you going to age into irrelevance… or unleash your inner Heidemann and TAKE WHAT’S YOURS?
Drop the mic. 🎤🔥
[END RANT]
Follow. Emulate. Or get left in the dust.
(#AlphaAging #CruellaEnergy #RetireWeakness)
Slaylebrity Net Worth Stats
Social fans: 794,000
EST Net WORTH: $100,000
YOU’RE OUT OF EXCUSES Colleen Heidemann isn’t “inspirational.” She’s a reckoning. Her whole life is a victory lap around your self-imposed limitations. Too old? Too late? Not talented enough? Save your sob story for someone who cares—which, hint, ISN’T HER.
If a 72-year-old can build an empire of influence, then YOU, with your “prime years” ahead, have ZERO right to play victim. EVERY SECOND YOU WASTE IS A BETRAYAL TO YOUR POTENTIAL.
FINAL WORD: STOP APOLOGIZING. START DOMINATING The world’s divided into two kinds of people: Those who OBEY limits, and those like Colleen who PISS ON THEM.
Now ask yourself: Are you going to age into irrelevance… or unleash your inner Heidemann and TAKE WHAT’S YOURS?
