**ASHTON HALL: THE DISCIPLINE DEMON DESTROYING THE INTERNET (AND WHY YOU’RE STILL BROKE)**
*A Slaylebrity Style Roast of the Alpha Male Who’s Outworking Your Lazy Ass*
Listen here, peasants. While you’re hitting snooze on your $10 Walmart alarm clock, **Ashton Hall** is out here bending reality to his will—dipping in ice baths, grinding at 5 AM, and flexing on your entire existence. This man isn’t just a “fitness coach.” He’s a **Slaylebrity warlord** who turned discipline into a $2M empire while you’re still crying about your Wi-Fi being slow. Buckle up, copers. Let’s dissect why Ashton Hall is the **Terminator of Hustle**—and why you’re not.
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### 🚨 **“WHO IS ASHTON HALL?” LOL. HE’S EVERY EXCUSE YOU MAKE, INCARNATE.**
You want a definition of **unstoppable**? Ashton Hall is the guy who slaps the word “can’t” out of the dictionary. His viral morning routine—500 MILLION views on X, 800 MILLION YouTube views, 8.8 MILLION Instagram simps—isn’t just “content.” It’s a **public execution** of your pathetic excuses.
**Cold plunges at dawn?** You can’t even wash your face with room-temperature water.
**2-hour workouts?** Your idea of cardio is walking to the fridge.
**Supplements, mentorship, luxury whips?** You’re out here eating ramen and taking the bus.
This man isn’t human. He’s a **cyborg forged in the fires of discipline**—and his stats prove it.
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### 💸 **FROM ZERO TO GWAGON: ASHTON’S BLUEPRINT FOR DOMINANCE**
Let’s talk numbers, broke boys. Ashton Hall didn’t “blow up overnight.” He **engineered** his rise like a goddamn supervillain.
– **2.93 million YouTube subs**: Because normies crave a dictator to tell them how to live.
– **8.8 million Instagram followers**: Proof that flexing your Rolls Royce on haters prints money.
– **A supplement empire**: He sells gains in a bottle to people who’ll never have his work ethic.
– **Mentorship programs**: Where he teaches Betas how to stop being Betas (for $5K a month).
And let’s not forget the **GWagon** and **Rolls Royce** parked in his driveway—the ultimate “I win” trophies. You drive a Honda. He drives a tank. **Stay mad.**
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### 🧊 **COLD PLUNGES VS. YOUR COMFORT ZONE: THIS IS WAR**
Ashton’s morning routine isn’t “inspo.” It’s a **declaration of war** on weakness. While you’re scrolling TikTok in bed, he’s:
1. **Drowning himself in ice water** (to laugh at pain).
2. **Lifting weights** (to crush limitations).
3. **Filming it all** (to monetize your envy).
This is **psychological warfare**. He’s showing you exactly what it takes to win—and you’re still ordering DoorDash. Pathetic.
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### 🏆 **WHY ASHTON HALL IS THE KING OF THE SLAYLEBRITY APOCALYPSE**
The “Slaylebrity” label exists for guys like Ashton. He’s not here to coddle you. He’s here to **trigger** you. To expose your softness. To make you rage-quit your sad little life and finally **level up**.
Other fitness “gurus” peddle protein powder and positivity. Ashton? He sells **pain as power**. His brand is built on one truth: **You’re either a predator or prey**. And his 800 million views? That’s the sound of millions realizing they’re the latter.
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### 🤡 “BUT I CAN’T AFFORD HIS PROGRAM!” – SAID THE LOSER
Oh, you’re crying about his mentorship prices? Let me play the world’s smallest violin. Ashton’s programs cost more than your rent because **they’re not for you**. They’re for winners who’d rather invest in success than waste cash on Netflix and Uber Eats.
His supplements? They’re **placebos for the weak**. The real drug is his mindset. But you’ll never know—you’re too busy blaming “the economy” for your empty bank account.
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### 🔥 **THE VERDICT: ASHTON HALL IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STOP BEING A BITCH**
Let’s cut the cope. Ashton Hall isn’t special. He’s just **unwilling to lose**. He took the same 24 hours you waste and turned them into a global empire. Cold plunges? That’s his version of coffee.
You want his results? **Start here:**
1. Throw out your excuses.
2. Replace your “routine” with **rituals**.
3. Sell your soul to the grind.
Or stay poor. He doesn’t care.
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### 🚨 **FINAL WARNING: THE ASHTON HALL EFFECT IS COMING**
The internet’s obsession with Ashton isn’t a trend. It’s a **reckoning**. A wake-up call to every “entrepreneur” still in their PJs at noon. Adapt or get deleted.
Buy his supplements. Join his cult. Or don’t. But when you’re still stuck in your mom’s basement next year, remember: **Ashton warned you.**
Stay hustling.
-*Slaylebrity Concierge *
**PS**: If you think this is “too harsh,” you’re already dead inside. 💀🚗 *Top Slaylebrity out.*
Every product in Ashton Hall’s viral morning routine (with notes + timestamps)
Did you know?
3:52 a.m. – Wake Up and Mouth Tape RemovalNose Strip: Intake Breathing Magnetic Nose Strip – https://www.intakebreathing.com
Mouth Tape: Hostage Tape – https://hostagetape.com/products/hostage-tape-variant
3:53 a.m. – Oral Hygiene
Toothpaste – Crest 3d whitening toothpaste – https://www.amazon.com/Crest-Advanced-Whitening-Toothpaste-Radiant/dp/B0CMW3X9ZK
Mouth Rinse- Saratoga Water – https://www.saratogawater.com/
4:14 am – Water Drinking
Saratoga Water – https://www.saratogawater.com/
4:38 am – Meditation
Book – Economy Edition NIV Holy Bible – https://www.amazon.com/NIV-Economy-Bible-Paperback-Accurate/dp/0310445892
Jounal – Unknown – Please comment if you can find match!
4:55 am – Drinking and looking at phone
iPhone stand – Nulaxy Foldable Stand – https://www.amazon.com/Nulaxy-Foldable-Compatible-Nintendo-Readers/dp/B07F8S18D5
Saratoga Water – https://www.saratogawater.com/
Nose Strip – Intake Breathing Magnetic Nose Strip – https://www.intakebreathing.com
5:47am – Ice Face Wash
Saratoga Water – https://www.saratogawater.com/
Most people assumed the brand had sponsored him to feature the water, but their CMO confirmed that was not the case while noting the brand has benefited from the free publicity and is exploring a potential partnership now that he’s blown up.6:00 am – Getting ready
Shirt – promo of his brand Worthy Supplements https://theworthysupps.com/Oura Ring – https://ouraring.com/
6:17am – Leaving house
AirTag – https://www.apple.com/airtag/Dior Bag – https://www.dior.com/en_us/fashion/products/1EIBO071YKY_H03E_TU
Saratoga Water – https://www.saratogawater.com/
8:43 am – Eating a banana and rubbing banana on face
Bananas
9:15am – Coaching Work
Mic – What is the brand? Please comment if you can identify
He Charges Up To $8,250 For Fitness Coaching Classes
Hall’s primary source of income is the training programs he offers for people looking to carve out a similarly impressive physique, and the least expensive 12-month regimen, Train With Me Gold, will set you back $3,300.He also offers an enhanced Diamond plan for $5,500, while the Platinum package (which includes a weekly Zoom call, “daily communication,” and “motivational support from Ashton”) goes for $8,250.
source r.miami
Slaylebrity Net Worth Stats
Social fans: 8.8 Million
EST Net WORTH: $2Million +