Concierge Price: $100,000 +
**🔥 YOU’RE A PEASANT WITH A WALLET. THE ULTRA LUXE LOUIS VUITTON KERNEL TRUNK IS FOR EMPERORS. GET ON YOUR KNEES. 🔥**
Listen here, broke boy. 🗣️ While you’re bragging about your **”limited edition” keychain** and your **”exclusive” Amazon Prime membership**, there’s a *real* flex happening in the shadows. The **ULTRA LUXE LOUIS VUITTON KERNEL TRUNK** just dropped, and it’s not for you. It’s for **GODS**. For men who laugh at “luxury” and rewrite the dictionary definition of “exclusive.” And Louis Vuitton? They’re not selling a product. **THEY’RE SELLING A THRONE.**
Let me school you, since your brain can’t comprehend this level of power.
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### **YOUR “LUXURY” IS A DOG BOWL. THIS TRUNK IS A WAR CHEST. 🏴☠️**
You think your monogrammed LV wallet makes you elite? **WRONG.** The Kernel Trunk isn’t a bag—it’s a **bloodline upgrade**. Handcrafted over 500 hours by LV’s *secret guild* of artisans who probably drink liquid gold for breakfast. Every stitch? **18-karat gold thread.** Every lock? **Engraved by a robot trained in Versailles.** The leather? **Baby unicorn hide** (okay, fine—it’s *calfskin* from cows fed champagne and Mozart). 🐄🍾
And “personalization”? Forget your cringe initials. LV doesn’t “customize.” They **CROWN.** Your name isn’t stamped—it’s *hand-etched* by a French master who’d rather die than misspell. Want a logo? They’ll **laser-carve your face** into the titanium hardware. Want color? They’ll drain the ink from *Mona Lisa’s eyebrows.* This trunk isn’t yours. **YOU BELONG TO THE TRUNK.**
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### **YOU CAN’T AFFORD THIS. AND THAT’S THE POINT. 💸**
“B-b-but Slay my bambini concierge , it costs more than my house!” **GOOD.** The Kernel Trunk isn’t for *buying*. It’s for **SEIZING.** It’s a Darwinian test. If your bank account doesn’t whimper when you glance at the price tag, you’re not even in the game. Real men don’t save up—they **LIQUIDATE ISLANDS.** They trade private jets for trunk space. They make Bezos look like a **lemonade stand rookie.**
This trunk is a **border wall** between kings and peasants. You’re either born to own it, build an empire to afford it, or stay a NPC staring through the velvet rope. Your choice.
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### **THIS ISN’T A BAG. IT’S A BODYCOUNT. 🔪**
Let’s get violent. The second you roll into the club with this trunk, every “baller” in the room **SHRIVELS.** Their Birkins? *Trash cans.* Their Rolexes? *Happy Meal toys.* The Kernel Trunk doesn’t sit in your closet—it sits on a **pedestal guarded by ex-SAS commandos.** It’s not carried. It’s **ESCORTED.**
And the customization? LV doesn’t ask *what* you want. They ask *who you are.* CEO? They’ll line it with **shredded stock certificates.** Drug lord? **Hidden compartments for your “sugar.”** Supervillain? **GPS-tracked, self-destruct buttons**, and a built-in espresso machine because *conquering the world is tiring.* ☕💣
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### **HOW TO EARN THE KERNEL TRUNK (OR DIE FORGOTTEN):**
1️⃣ **STOP EATING.** Sell your organs. Liquidate your “memories.” This trunk costs more than your bloodline’s cumulative net worth.
2️⃣ **BECOME A LEGEND.** LV doesn’t sell to *mortals.* You want customization? **INVENT A COUNTRY.** Win a war. Buy a volcano.
3️⃣ **HUMILIATE THE POPULATION.** Walk into a Gucci store carrying this. Watch the staff **faint.** Post it. Tag #BrokenMen.
4️⃣ **BURY IT WITH YOU.** You think this masterpiece belongs on Earth? **NO.** Your pyramid isn’t complete without it.
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### **BOTTOM LINE: YOU’LL NEVER OWN THIS. BUT YOU’LL DREAM ABOUT IT. 😈**
The Ultra Luxe Louis Vuitton Kernel Trunk isn’t luggage. It’s a **casket for your mediocrity.** A mirror that screams, *“You’re poor. You’re weak. You’re DONE.”*
So keep scrolling, peasant. Keep clutching your **fake Supreme fanny pack.** The adults are here to play.
**#KernelOrCremation #LVGodMode #BrokeBoysCryHarder #FlexOrPerish**
*— Slay my bambini concierge 🇺🇸 (If your name isn’t etched in titanium, you’re irrelevant.)*
CONCIERGE PRICE: $100,000
Includes complimentary worldwide shipping
Slay Concierge Purchase note
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