I look around Lagos and I see a city of wolves pretending to be sheep. You accept disrespect. You accept chaos. You accept being treated like an absolute peasant by people who should be begging for your money. It makes me sick. Most of you just nod your heads and say, “Oh, that’s just how things are in Nigeria.”
NO. That is the Matrix talking. That is the mindset of a loser.
When you have money, when you are a Slaylebrity of value, you demand excellence. You demand respect. And today, I am exposing one of the biggest clown shows in the city because they have forgotten the most basic rule of business: **If you disrespect the customer, you deserve to go bankrupt.**
I’m talking about Hans and Rene Lagos.
Hans and Rene. You think you run this city. You think you’re the Top Slaylebrity of the bakery and dessert game smh. To be fair I will give credit where credit is due—when you actually get your hands on the product, I respect it.
The frozen Yoghurt? Elite. The Mango Udala and the Granola flavors? That is top-tier fuel. That is what a Slaylebrity eats to conquer the day. The donuts? The cheesecake? The chicken pie? Acceptable. You’ve got the recipe for greatness. You’ve got the gold. You have built a premium brand.
**BUT THEN YOU STEP INTO YOUR STORE ON A WEEKEND AND WHAT DO I SEE?**
ANARCHY. Absolute, unmitigated, peasant-level anarchy.
There are NO ENFORCED QUEUES. None! Just a massive, sweaty, chaotic mob of confused brokies shoving each other, cutting in line, and screaming to get a scoop of frozen yoghurt. You are running a premium, high-caliber establishment, not a refugee camp! If I have to fight a street looking girl -for my yoghurt, YOU HAVE FAILED.
The customer service is OUTRAGEOUS. It is an absolute insult to my time. You charge premium prices, you project this image of luxury, but you serve me with the attitude and efficiency of a government worker on a Friday afternoon. UNACCEPTABLE.
Let me give you the blueprint, because clearly, management is asleep at the wheel and needs a wake-up call.
If you are a Slaylebrity of value, a Slaylebrity who respects her TIME, **you DO NOT go to the Radisson Blu branch on a weekend.** You will regret your existence. You will lose your mind. The chaos there is a joke. Stick to the Ikoyi branch. At least there is a fragile illusion of order.
And another thing. Who are these people hanging around your stores? I’m walking in, ready to spend my hard-earned cash, and I’m looking at these questionable, low-vibe characters loitering around. They don’t fit the aesthetic. They don’t fit the energy. They look like they’re about to ask me for a loan. Sometimes it feels like I stepped into a red district yes that caliber of women GOSH!!!
You are attracting the wrong crowd because you lack the discipline to control your environment. A Top Slaylebrity controls his room. Hans and Rene, you are letting the room control you. Security needs to step up. Clear out the loiterers. Protect the vibe.
And while we’re talking about failures, let’s talk about the cakes and the meat pie. Absolute mid tier . Not up to scratch . Meat pie too mushy. An insult to the culinary arts. If you can make a world-class Mango Udala yoghurt but you can’t bake a decent meat pie, you lack focus. You lack discipline. Fix it or take it off the menu. Stop serving mediocrity and calling it food.
**HERE IS THE ULTIMATUM.**
Hans and Rene Lagos. You are sitting on a goldmine. You have the potential to be the undisputed, untouchable champions of this city. But right now, you are a champion with a glass jaw. Your customer service is a joke. Your queue management is a joke. Your vibe is compromised.
Fix it. ASAP.
Implement a strict queue system. Train your staff to treat high-value clients with the respect they deserve. Clear out the low-vibe loiterers. Bake a meat pie that doesn’t taste like mush. Most importantly Fix the crust.
Stop playing small. Stop accepting mediocrity in your own house. Step up, take control, and run this city the way a real Slaylebrity would.
Fix your customer service, or watch some hungry wolf come along, take your crown, and eat your lunch.
The choice is yours.
SLAY LIFESTYLE CONCIERGE NOTES
Hans & René (also styled Hans and Rene) is a premium gelateria, café, bakery, and dessert spot in Lagos, Nigeria—known for handcrafted gelato, sorbets, cupcakes, pastries, cakes, pies, and more. It started as a cupcake bakery and has grown into a popular chain with several branches across Lagos (and one in Abuja). It’s not a full-service restaurant but offers in-store seating at some locations, takeout, and delivery.
Key Contact Info
* Main Phone/WhatsApp: +234 808 777 3333 (general orders, inquiries)
* Events/Inquiries: events@hansandrene.com or +234 909 163 5707 / 08184287617
* Email: hans.n.rene@gmail.com or info@hansandrene.com
* Website: hansandrene.com (store locator, menus, online shop)
* Instagram: @hansandrene (great for visuals, current promos, and ordering via link in bio)
* Delivery: Available via their site/app, Chowdeck, and WhatsApp in select areas (e.g., VI/Ikoyi).
Main Lagos Locations (Branches)
They have multiple outlets—use the store locator on their site for exact hours/directions. Popular ones include:
* Victoria Island (Radisson Blu / popular branch): 1A Ozumba Mbadiwe Road / Avenue, inside Radisson Blu Hotel premises, Victoria Island, Lagos. (Often praised for ambiance and full shop experience.)
* Glover Road, Ikoyi: 37A Glover Rd, Ikoyi, Lagos.
* Lennox Mall, Lekki: Lennox Mall, Lekki Phase I, Lagos.
* Other Lagos spots: Bishop Aboyade Cole St (VI), Palms Shopping Center, Ikeja City Mall, GRA Ikeja (e.g., 58C Isaac John St), and more.
Hours vary by location (typically 8/10 AM–8/9/10 PM; check site or call for specifics).
Menu
Focus is on premium gelato/sorbets (classic + local flavors like agbalumo, zobo, peanut Dune-ciatella, boli & epa), cupcakes (many flavors), cakes, loaf cakes, pastries (pies, brownies), treats, coffee, and drinks. Prices start around ₦4500+ for items; tubs and custom cakes available.
* View current menus/gelato flavors via their Instagram, site (under Gelato & Sorbet, Cakes, etc.), or in-store.
* Event/catering menu available on request via email or WhatsApp.
Reservations & Booking
No standard online reservation system (like OpenTable) since it’s primarily a dessert/café spot. For larger groups, events, custom cakes, or private bookings, contact them directly via phone/WhatsApp or events@hansandrene.com.
For the latest details, directions, or to order online, visit their website, Instagram, or call/WhatsApp the main number. Enjoy the treats! 🍦 If you need anything else or private jet arrangements contact your assigned concierge at Slay club world.
Hans and Rene. You think you run this city. You think you’re the Top Slaylebrity of the bakery and dessert game smh
To be fair I will give credit where credit is due—when you actually get your hands on the product, I respect it.
The frozen Yoghurt? Elite. The Mango Udala and the Granola flavors? That is top-tier fuel. That is what a Slaylebrity eats to conquer the day
The donuts? The cheesecake? The chicken pie? Acceptable. You’ve got the recipe for greatness. You’ve got the gold. You have built a premium brand.
BUT THEN YOU STEP INTO YOUR STORE ON A WEEKEND AND WHAT DO I SEE?** ANARCHY. Absolute, unmitigated, peasant-level anarchy.
There are NO ENFORCED QUEUES. None! Just a massive, sweaty, chaotic mob of confused brokies shoving each other, cutting in line, and screaming to get a scoop of frozen yoghurt. You are running a premium, high-caliber establishment, not a refugee camp! If I have to fight a street looking girl-for my yoghurt, YOU HAVE FAILED.
The customer service is OUTRAGEOUS. It is an absolute insult to my time. You charge premium prices, you project this image of luxury, but you serve me with the attitude and efficiency of a government worker on a Friday afternoon. UNACCEPTABLE.
Clearly, management is asleep at the wheel and needs a wake-up call.
If you are a Slaylebrity of value, a Slaylebrity who respects her TIME, **you DO NOT go to the Radisson Blu branch on a weekend.** You will regret your existence. You will lose your mind. The chaos there is a joke. Stick to the Ikoyi branch. At least there is a fragile illusion of order.
