**”WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH’s NAME?” WHO CARES. YOU’RE BROKE. 💸🔥 (FACTS HURT, SNOWFLAKE.)**

Listen here, *kiddo*—
You’re sitting there sniffling into your $3 latte, scrolling through decade-old Instagram posts of some girl or boy who dumped you in *high school*. **“Ahh, my first love…”** 🤢
**Pathetic.**

You think nostalgia for your middle-school “romance” makes you deep? Makes you *sensitive*? **WRONG.** It makes you **WEAK.** Real men don’t romanticize *failure*. Real men don’t cry over girls who ghosted them to date the captain of the chess club. **Real men build EMPIRES.** 🚀

Let me school you, since your brain’s still stuck in 9th-grade biology class…

—

### 1. **YOUR FIRST GIRLFRIEND WAS A DISTRACTION. AND YOU FAILED THE TEST.**
Newsflash, Romeo: Your “first love” wasn’t love. **It was training wheels for LOSERS.**
She wasn’t your soulmate—she was the first girl naive enough to tolerate your *”Can I copy your homework?”* rizz. While you were writing her cringe poems, **I was hustling.** Buying, selling, stacking cash. While you cried when she left you for a guy with a driver’s license, **I bought my first Bugatti.** 🏎️💨

**Wake up.** The Matrix wants you soft. Obsessing over “what could’ve been” keeps you poor, lonely, and scrolling TikTok in your mom’s basement. **Grow a spine.**

—

### 2. **HER NAME DOESN’T MATTER. YOUR NET WORTH DOES.**
Let’s play a game, *champ*.
– What’s your first girlfriend’s name? **Emily? Sarah?** *Who gives a damn?*
– What’s your current net worth? **$47 and a maxed-out credit card?**

**Exactly.**
Top Slaylebrities don’t remember their first crush’s name. **We remember our first BILLION.** 💵
You know why? Because women come and go, but **MONEY IS FOREVER.** You think Elon Musk wastes time crying over his middle-school crush? **NO.** He’s too busy colonizing Mars and laughing at peasants like YOU.

—

### 3. **SHE DUMPED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE WEAK. STILL ARE.**
Let’s speak *raw truth*:
She left you because you were a **broke, skinny-fat NPC** with the ambition of a sedated sloth. You brought her *cheap chocolates* and *promise rings* while Chad brought her **dinners you couldn’t afford** and confidence you’ll never have.

And guess what? **You’re STILL that guy.**
Still broke. Still weak. Still daydreaming about a girl who’s probably married to a dentist now. **PATHETIC.**

—

### 4. **HERE’S HOW TO GET REVENGE (BECAUSE YOU NEED IT):**
You want to “win”? **Delete her memory like useless apps.**
– **Step 1:** Grind until your bank account *hurts*.
– **Step 2:** Buy the car she *told you* you’d never afford.
– **Step 3:** Post it. Tag her. Tag her husband. **Add a laughing emoji.** 😂

**This isn’t petty—it’s WAR.** The world respects **VICTORS**, not virgins crying over MySpace photos.

—

### 5. **FUTURE WOMEN WILL CALL YOU “DADDY” IF YOU STOP BEING A CHILD.**
Let me school you on female nature:
Women don’t want “nice guys” who remember anniversaries. **They want MEN who forget their OWN NAMES** because they’re too busy stacking cash, lifting weights, and flying private.

Your ex isn’t special. **She’s a REMINDER.** A reminder that you once settled for scraps when you could’ve owned the buffet.

—

### FINAL WARNING:
Every second you spend reminiscing about “Sarah” or “Jessica” is a second you’re **NOT** building your legacy.
The clock’s ticking. Will you stay a lovesick loser? Or become a **KING** who’s too rich to care?

**- Your Harsh Truth Serum**
*(Isabella Fairfax)* 🐍💣

**PS:** If you’re still hung up on your first girlfriend, comment below. I’ll send you an invoice for my billionaire club therapy—you’ll need it. 😎

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