If your child is in a friendship desert, it’s time to mom up. My daughter trudged through many years when she didn’t have a friend group. It makes me sad to write about it because those years were so hard for her. But there was one thing that made that time bearable for my daughter—me. I did whatever I could to fill the friend void in her life. I share this not to give myself a pat on the back, but to encourage you to step into that role when you’re wondering what to do when your child has no friends.
Hopefully, your kids haven’t gone years without friends, but they might find themselves left out, not invited, or just an afterthought. If that happens, there are things you can do to preserve your child’s self-esteem and help him or her grow through the challenge. Here are 5 ways you can fill the void when your child doesn’t have friends.

Get to the source of the problem.
It was pretty easy for me to zero in on why my daughter had a hard time making friends. She was on the quieter side and didn’t have the zany, crazy energy that seems to propel lots of childhood friendships. She also lacked confidence. “Mom, when I talk to someone, I feel like they’re going to get bored,” she would tell me. “I get nervous and don’t know what to say.”
Connecting socially is even hard for adults. Once I recognized what was holding her back, I subtly worked to boost her confidence and develop the skills that help shy kids find their people.

Widen your child’s world.
Since my daughter didn’t have a big social life, I was it. I sought out fun and interesting things that aligned with her interests—a horse riding competition that came to our town, a summer camp that connected her to her heritage, and a fun trip here and there. I also kept her busy with cousins and babysitting for a cute family in our neighborhood.

Think beyond the usual.
Trying to figure out what to do when your child has no friends around birthday time? For my daughter’s 13th, I was stuck, so I turned to her fans at our church. I invited the young moms and their kids to a surprise party. My daughter always got along well with adults and little kids, and they loved her. She had a great time and felt celebrated and valued.

Foster friendships where you can.
When our kids are little, it’s easy to fill their social calendar, but as they get older, we take a back seat. Still, I put my daughter in situations where she had a larger potential-friend pool. I encouraged her to join clubs at school. She played after-school sports and did volunteer projects.

Fill the time.
When your child goes through a friendship crisis, the most important thing you can do is make yourself available. I didn’t want my daughter to feel weird because she was home on a Friday or Saturday night, so I kept things light. “Hey, do you want to try this bagel recipe this weekend?” “Let’s see if Aunt Jen and Uncle Jack and the kids want to come for a movie night.” “Do you want to try watercolors?”

When your child goes through a friendship crisis, the most important thing you can do is make yourself available.

Eventually, my daughter did make friends more easily. On a recent visit home from college, she said this with a smile: “Mom, we spent a lot of time together when I was a kid, didn’t we?”
She’d made it through.
How do you help your kids when they’re in a friendship desert?

ASK YOUR CHILD…
Would you rather have a lot of friends you’re not super close to or one really close friend?

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ASK YOUR CHILD... Would you rather have a lot of friends you’re not super close to or one really close friend?

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