Guide Budget : $1 million +
**“There Are Billionaire Bathrooms and There’s This”? YOU’RE LIVING LIKE A PEASANT. (Time to UPGRADE.)**
Let me spray your delusions with a firehose of truth so icy it’ll freeze your toilet paper mid-wipe: **Your bathroom is a BIOHAZARD of broken dreams.** Billionaires piss in gold-plated thrones while you’re squatting over cracked tiles, staring at a leaky faucet like it’s a personality trait. Pathetic.
If your idea of “luxury” is a 3-ply roll from Costco, you’re not living—you’re SURVIVING. And survival is for cockroaches. Let’s fix that.
—
### **YOUR BATHROOM IS A MIRROR OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT (AND YOUR SOUL).**
You know what’s in a billionaire’s bathroom?
– **Marble floors** polished by servants who earn more than your yearly salary.
– **Diamond faucets** because tap water tastes better when it’s filtered through $100K.
– **A view** of their private island while they brush their teeth with champagne.
**Yours?** Mold. A “Live, Laugh, Love” sign from Walmart. And the lingering stench of *failure*.
Your bathroom isn’t a room—it’s a CRIME SCENE. And the crime? You accepting LESS than you deserve.
—
### **BETA VS. ALPHA: THE TOILET EDITION**
**Beta Bathroom:**
– Dollar-store soap.
– A shower curtain with anime waifus.
– A sink full of beard trimmings and regret.
**Alpha Bathroom:**
– A bidet that plays Mozart.
– Towels so fluffy they’re illegal in 12 countries.
– A scent that screams, *“I own you.”*
You think this is about toilets? NO. It’s about STANDARDS. Billionaires don’t tolerate mediocrity—why do you?
—
### **THE COST OF BEING AVERAGE? YOUR DIGNITY.**
Let’s get raw: If your bathroom looks like a gas station restroom, your LIFE looks like one too.
– **You date 6s** because you’re a 4.
– **You drive a Honda** because you’re scared of debt.
– **You eat ramen** because “saving money” is code for “I’m broke.”
**Loser behavior.**
Billionaires don’t “save money.” They MAKE IT. They don’t “budget.” They BUY. And they sure as hell don’t wipe with sandpaper while pretending it’s “eco-friendly.”
Your bathroom isn’t quirky. It’s QUITTING.
—
### **FROM TOILET TO THRONE: HOW TO UPGRADE YOUR LIFE (OR DIE TRYING)**
1. **BURN THE BUDGET.** Broke people track pennies. Rich people track empires. Sell your Xbox. Start a business. Print money.
2. **FLEX OR FAIL.** Your bathroom should make guests uncomfortable. If it doesn’t, you’re not trying.
3. **FIRE YOUR FRIENDS.** If their bathrooms suck, they’re holding you back. Upgrade your circle.
4. **TRAIN LIKE A TYRANT.** Your body is your temple. Stop feeding it Cheetos.
Real men don’t “declutter.” They DOMINATE.
—
### **YOU HAVE TWO PATHS:**
**Path 1:** Keep lying to yourself. Pretend your rust-stained tub is “vintage.” Keep dating girls who think “Netflix and chill” is a personality.
**Path 2:** **WAKE THE F*** UP.** Turn your life into a flex so hard even your TOILET becomes a status symbol.
I chose Path 2. Now I’m writing this from a jacuzzi filled with Cristal, while you’re reading it on a cracked phone in a bathroom smaller than my dog’s kennel.
Coincidence? NO. CONSEQUENCE.
—
**“There are billionaire bathrooms and there’s this”?** Damn right. And if you’re not clawing your way to the top, you’re just another NPC in the sewer of life.
Now go build a bathroom—and a life—worth FIGHTING for.
*-SLAY BILLIONAIRE CONCIERGE *
*(You’re still here? GET TO WORK.)*
**P.S.** If your bathroom has a “poop knife,” you’ve already lost. Delete this app and hire a designer. **NOW.**
Guide Budget: $1,000,000 +
Slay Concierge Purchase note
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YOU’RE LIVING LIKE A PEASANT. (Time to UPGRADE.) YOU HAVE TWO PATHS:** **Path 1:** Keep lying to yourself. Pretend your rust-stained tub is ‘vintage.’ Keep dating girls who think ‘Netflix and chill’ is a personality. **Path 2:** **WAKE THE F*** UP.** Turn your life into a flex so hard even your TOILET becomes a status symbol.
