I’ve been digging myself out of a hole for 25 years. I was in high school and I said something rude about a girl. Her name was Taryn and while she wasn’t in the room at the time, Taryn’s friend Nicci was. Being the loyal friend she was, Nicci told Taryn what I said, and I had no defense. I couldn’t deny it. It was mean and thoughtless.
I see about five people from high school still today, and you guessed it, Taryn is one of them. So here I am, wishing I could take back the hurtful thing I said. I’ve told my kids this story to share the lesson I learned, but I also have a tool to help them be more careful with their words. If you want to teach your children to think before they speak, you can use it, too.
All they have to remember to do is THINK.
“Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” That’s a proverb I remind myself of often and I want my kids to commit that wisdom to memory—but I know remembering the THINK acronym is a whole lot easier.
Not only does the THINK acronym provide a five-point checklist kids can run through to test what they’re about to say, but it also forces them to pause, which is often enough to prevent unnecessary damage. So have your children ask themselves, “Does what I want to say check the five boxes?” If the answer is no, they should keep it to themselves or rethink the way they want the words to come out. Here are the five criteria:
Is it True?
This is the clearest of all the filters. Something is either true or it’s a lie. And if your kids aren’t sure if it’s true, they should err on the side of caution and not say it.
If your kids aren’t sure if something’s true, they should err on the side of caution and not say it
Is it Helpful?
Over dinner one Taco Tuesday, one of my sons said, “These tomatoes need to be cut smaller.” It was true. They were slightly too big to fit into a bite of a taco. But saying it wasn’t helpful. Instead, he could’ve grabbed the knife and started chopping.
Is it Important/Inspiring?
This question can be helpful for a habitual tattler. One of my sons came to me to say the other had forgotten to put the cap on the toothpaste. Was that true? Yes. Was it helpful? Sure. Was it important enough to put a wedge between himself and his brother? I don’t think so.
Some suggest using “Inspiring” in the “I” position to teach your child to be an encourager. I think this is great in some cases. You could apply it when your family is trying to come up with solutions to a problem. But to tell kids they have to be motivational all the time—well, that’s a standard few if any of us could live up to.
Is it Necessary?
My younger son was struggling with some separation anxiety earlier this school year, but has gotten so much better. We were talking about how much he has grown and his big brother added, “Even if mom did forget to pick us up, someone would eventually come.” This sent my little one spiraling again. Sometimes we don’t have anything to add to a conversation that will make it better and should keep our thoughts to ourselves.
Is it Kind?
Along with “honest,” using this word as a filter will help prevent the most verbal damage. Had I asked if it’s kind before I said what I said in my conversation about Taryn, I would’ve heard a clear “no” from my conscience.
The THINK acronym: It’s not just for kids!
That day back in 1997 when I made that rude remark was not the last time I regretted something I said. It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that adults could stand to use the THINK acronym more often, too. Use it in the office when co-workers are grumbling, when someone posts something online that you disagree with, and when you’re with your girlfriends and tempted to gossip. You might find that you’re a lot quieter!
In your opinion, which letter in the THINK acronym is the most important?
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By Imom
ASK YOUR CHILD... Of all the things your brain does, which is the coolest?
If your kids aren’t sure if something's true, they should err on the side of caution and not say it
The THINK acronym: It’s not just for kids!
