In a long chat about divorce, incredible insights were offered into why marriages fail (social media is nearly always involved these days,.
how did you go bankrupt?’, ‘Well, I went bankrupt the way that everyone does, very slowly and then all at once.’ I think that’s how marriages end. Very slowly and then all at once. There are lots of little things that happen and then the flood comes.”
This is a beautiful description of how relationships work that accords with how so many big changes in life really happen. Success doesn’t happen overnight, neither does physical fitness, and neither does relationship breakdown. Nearly all big goals come from weathering small setbacks and making steady forward progress over days and months and years. And then there’s often one big breakthrough. Outsiders only see the dramatic final stages of the process, but the roots are generally deep.
Falling out of love is very slow. It’s a very gradual process. You put on weight slowly. … You don’t just wake up one day and you’ve gained 20 pounds. You very slowly gain weight, but sure enough, it happens. It’s the same thing with love.”
And not falling out of love, like not gaining weight, isn’t about dramatic gestures or heroic acts. It’s about a relentless daily commitment to small actions. It’s about doing things — not clamming up to avoid the fight, not complaining about how the towels are folded, reaching out a hand in a tense conversation. In other words, it’s a verb.
“If you want to keep your love alive, you have to be attentive to all the little things that go wrong along the way, and constantly course-correct. If you can do that, you’ll never set foot in a divorce lawyers office,”
You’re unlikely to hear better marriage advice anytime soon.
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