I’m sorry but I’m not a law abiding citizen!
That Friday night in the cold dark, illuminated by fluorescent lights that gave no warmth, I zeroed in on a figure across the parking lot who’d just stepped out from the venue’s back door. He was obscured by shadows and distance, but I’d know him anywhere, even from far off. I watched him lean back against the concrete wall, nearly a block away from me. He took out a cigarette and brought it to his lips, and a lighter flickered by his hand. The orange glow that lit his face as he inhaled sent a flare through my chest.
I remained frozen in place, my breath caught in my throat. I’d imagined seeing this in person, watching him take a drag and blow a stream of smoke from his lips. I’d seen him do it onscreen and in character many times, but I never thought I’d catch him at it. Never thought I’d catch him in any kind of private moment. Getting into his events was challenging enough.
My heartbeat was racing and butterflies filled my stomach and throat, but I needed to get closer. I couldn’t let this moment pass. I took a breath, turning toward the venue with feigned nonchalance. The heels of my boots echoed across the parking lot, amplifying my own pulse, but my steps didn’t waver.
Earlier, I’d watched him onstage. I’d even swallowed my nerves and stepped up to his autograph table. I’d been coaching myself on playing it cool for weeks leading up to this event, but I’d faltered. I’d given him my name when he asked, then lost my ability to speak. He’d been gracious anyway, but I was still feeling the ripples of my embarrassment. What could I hope to achieve now? Redemption? It seemed unlikely.
Still, I needed to get closer. I didn’t have a plan. There was no calculation involved. It was simple magnetism: he was there, so I needed to approach.
I crossed the parking lot and the access road, to the sidewalk that ran behind the events building. At this distance he still hadn’t looked my way, but I flicked my eyes toward him, giving myself a moment to drink in the sight. He took a long inhale, and the cigarette glow brightened again, illuminating his face. A moment, two, and then came the exhale, the rush of smoke crossing his lips and dissipating in the chill darkness. I hated how attractive it was to me, but I couldn’t fight it. Not at this proximity. I was close and getting closer, and I needed to make a decision.
As I drew near the door where he stood, my heart kicked harder in my chest. From here I could smell the smoke he’d exhaled, and it felt almost intimate, like I was in on his secret. I kept my eyes fixed forward, waiting until I was nearly next to him, then I slowed and turned to look.
His eyes were already on me. I stopped in my tracks, rooted in place by his gaze, helpless to his whims.
The hint of a smile flirted around his lips as he held my eyes with his. “Hey,” he said. “Enjoying your evening?”
I faced him, took a step closer. My nerves were melting away, though I couldn’t understand how. “Yeah,” I replied, “it’s been pretty good.”
His smile broke for real then, full and charming. “Good. Glad you’re able to speak this time.” He winked. Smug bastard.
“No thanks to you,” I chided, winking right back. Where was this boldness coming from? He laughed, but when he looked at me there was heat in his eyes.
“What can I say? It’s cute when you’re nervous.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Are you calling me cute?”
He shrugged, not backing down. “What if I am?”
I strode all the way to where he stood, like it was imperative, like it wasn’t even a choice. “Hmm,” I said, reaching down with sudden unfamiliar confidence to take the cigarette from his hand. “I don’t know. You gonna do something about it?” I took a long drag, closing my lips where his had been a moment before, then held it for a moment before turning my head to exhale. I offered it back to him, and his fingers brushed over mine, sensual in their touch as he accepted.
His eyes had narrowed as he watched me, and now they looked almost predatory. The corner of his mouth tilted up, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he put the cigarette between them and inhaled, long and slow.
“Yeah,” he said, with smoke spilling from between his lips. He tossed the butt to the ground where he could crush it with the sole of his shoe, then crowded me back against the wall of the building. “I’m gonna do this.” In barely a breath his lips hovered over mine, and I could see the puffs of our breaths mingling between us in the cold air. “You’re just what I’ve been looking for,” he said, and I gasped as my lips met the warm caress of his.
His hand stroked the line of my jaw, his tongue teased inside, and I moaned for him openly as he pressed his whole body against me, pinning me in place. His every move sent thrills shooting through me as I lit up under his touch. My hands drifted up his chest, squeezed over the breadth of his shoulders, and laced into his hair as I allowed myself to surrender to the deep allure of his kiss.
We were wrapped in shadow, but his eyes seemed to glow from within as he pulled back, breaths heaving with restrained need. I couldn’t look away, entranced at having his attention so focused on me.
“Why me?” I managed in a whisper, voicing the question that burned in my chest.
That sly smile spread across his face again, and he toyed with the zipper of my jacket, tugging it slowly down. “It was the way you were acting earlier,” he said, pitching his voice as a deep murmur into my ear. His hands found my waist under my coat, setting me alight with their sweeping, up-and-down touch, making me forget the cold. “All I had to do was wink at you, give you a look. Be just a little bit suggestive.” His lips and tongue flicked over a sweet spot on my neck. “You could barely speak. Just like that, I had you in the palm of my hand.” His teeth grazed my earlobe as his fingers teased up almost to my breasts, making me gasp. “I knew you’d be completely at my mercy. And who doesn’t enjoy a little power?” He pushed back with his hands still on me, raking his eyes over my body. “Plus, you’re hot. That doesn’t hurt a thing.”
I should have been indignant at his words. He was being cocky, pushy, and presumptuous. With anyone else I’d have been offended. He was right, though. Knowing that the object of my deepest attraction found me desirable was lighting me up from the inside, and I didn’t want anything more than to surrender to him, right there against the wall of the events building.
This wasn’t like me, and I didn’t care.
He played me like an instrument, hands working over me until I was breathless, arching against him, practically begging to have his mouth return to mine. I craved his lips, his tongue, his searing kiss, and he withheld it in a cruel tease, watching me writhe under his hands and their maddening, insufficient touches. Our gazes were welded together, he just as enthralled by my need as I was by his hunger, and I felt like I might break if he didn’t give me more.
“Please,” I begged, incapable of eloquence.
That was all it took. His hands tugged me close, one grasping my hip as the other caressed my neck, and then he was grinding hard against me, moaning into my mouth through the rough, demanding clash of our lips and tongues. I returned everything he gave, swallowing our mingled sounds of desperation, needing to taste him as deeply as I could in case he didn’t allow it again.
When we broke apart he turned, panting, scanning the area for prying eyes. Then he backed himself against the wall, pulling me in again with my back tight against his front. Facing away from him gave me a moment to catch my breath, a moment for my thoughts to catch up with my actions, and around the edges of my arousal crept tendrils of alarm. In front of me were the streets, the parking lot, the occasional passing car, all oblivious to our shadowy tryst. Behind me was the hot press of his body, his arousal hard against my ass. Earlier at his autograph table I hadn’t been able to speak to him; now we were making out in the dark, outside, where anyone could see if they knew where to look.
“What the fuck am I doing?” I murmured into the night.
His hips rocked against me, hands holding me tight to his body as his breath huffed over my ear in a little laugh. “You’re doing what you want for once,” he said, “consequences be damned. Isn’t that right?”
I didn’t need to answer. He already knew.
“I’d bet,” he said, his hand caressing my abdomen, “that you worry so much about everyone else’s needs that you forget your own.” Those clever fingertips teased under my waistband, dipping beneath and pulling back, a declaration of intent. “I want you for myself, that’s true…but I also know what you need, and I won’t forget.” His thumb and forefinger took a firm grasp of the button at the front of my jeans. “Say the word, and I’ll take care of you. Right here, right now.”
I never even considered saying no. My hand reached back to tangle in his hair, and my reply was a hot breath over his lips.
“Touch me.”
His smile was triumphant. “Fuck yeah.”
He undid my jeans, and I gave myself over, let my attention zero in on the feel of his hand. It was warm on my skin, a barrier against the cold air as it slid beneath the top edge of my lacy underwear. His fingers stroked there, caressing and teasing me as I yearned for more of his touch.
“You feel so good,” he said, low against my ear. His fingers dipped lower, met the slick that had been collecting since he gave me that first heated look. “Oh god,” he groaned, “I wish I could taste you, feel this on my tongue.” His fingertip flicked along my slit in an effortless glide, and my breath rushed out as my head tipped back to his shoulder.
He nudged his nose against my ear, relishing my reaction, and his finger slipped up to tease at my clit. I bit down on my lip, hard, but I couldn’t keep a strangled sound from rising out of my throat. “Easy,” he murmured, his touch still relentlessly circling. “You’re so hot for it, but this is our secret. Think you can keep quiet for me?” I already knew I couldn’t, and I suspected he didn’t really care, but I nodded anyway. “Good girl,” he murmured, and my bitten-back moan recoiled into a full-body convulsion. He knew exactly what he was doing.
That one devastating fingertip worked over me in long sweeps along my slit, tracing up and down the twinned folds of my labia, swirling in circles wide and then tight around and over my needy clit. I could only tip my head back, mouth open in a silent plea as he overtook my senses with every touch. His free arm was wrapped around me, hand resting splayed on my chest as he kept me pulled close to him, intent on making me fall apart.
Whether it was his skill or my reaction to him, I could feel my peak building fast and hard. It must have been obvious in the way my body was trembling, and he certainly didn’t miss it.
“You’re already close,” he said, cocksure and pleased. “Think you’re gonna come for me?” I nodded desperately, feeling the cliff’s edge approaching, and then his cruel hand pulled back, leaving me stranded there.
“Think again,” he said, and I gasped, eyes widening in frustration, feeling a rush of blood into all the most sensitive places between my legs. He watched my fruitless squirming for an interminable moment, eyes sharp and gloating, and then the mercy of his fingers returned for one sweet stroke before beginning their slow slip inside.
His wicked touch had been maddening enough before, but feeling him enter and stretch me from within was more than I could withstand. He went slowly, pressing in and drawing back by turns until his fingers were wrapped in my tight heat, where I could clench around him and enjoy the delicious fullness he provided. He knew just how to work them there, to wake pleasure from deep inside of me, and when his thumb joined in with deft swipes over my clit, I whined openly into the cold night air.
He laughed soft and low as his free hand closed firmly over my mouth. “Worth the wait, huh? I told you, I won’t let you down.” He thrust his fingers harder inside, letting me ride his touch, and I could feel him rut against me from behind in the same rhythm. By then I couldn’t have held back my moans if I’d wanted to, so I let them out, let his hand muffle them before they could escape. His breaths were ragged against my ear, his focus entirely on my pleasure as he pulled me toward the end.
He’d been right to stop, the last time. Every touch and thrust and thrill was amplified now, and my peak was just within reach. This time I knew he’d see it through, and he was true to his word, giving me his thick, pressing, curling fingers until the pleasure within joined with the slow burn he’d been coaxing from my clit. At his command, my orgasm rolled over and through me, setting me alight as I tensed and shuddered for him, held tight in his shadowed embrace. On the nearest street, cars continued to pass, their drivers blissfully ignorant. Only the barely-visible stars knew our secret.
We both caught our breath, taking the moment in silence to come back to ourselves there in the dark. He eased his fingers out of me, took his other hand from my mouth, and used it to draw me into a brief kiss instead.
“Thanks,” I said as he drew back, a feline smile on his face. He was still pressed close behind me, still hard as hell, and I wondered where it might go from here.
“Anytime,” he said, then took a step away from me, searching for the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. He took one, then offered them to me.
I accepted, and he gave me a light. The first inhale burned deep into my lungs, hot and satisfying.
“What’s your plan?” I asked on the exhale. “You’re not gonna go get dinner with that loaded gun in your pocket, are you?” I looked pointedly at the hard line clearly visible in his pants.
He laughed. “I’ve got a driver around here somewhere. Pretty nice hotel room, too. Thought maybe I’d get lucky, and you’d come along for a little more fun.”
I expected the voice in my head to speak up, to raise the alarm, to shake some sense into me, but my mind was quiet. A tiny smile played at the corner of my mouth as I brought the cigarette in for another draw, bathing my face in its orange glow. “Yeah,” I said. “I think I can arrange that.”
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I’m sorry but I’m not a law abiding citizen!
