My husband did become paralyzed. A complete quadriplegic from the collar bones down. I stayed. We were married 11 years at the time of his accident. This month we will be married 23 years. We have 2 children who were 7 & 6 when he became paralyzed. They are now 19 & 18.
At the time of his accident we were the most happily married couple anyone could meet. And in all honesty, I truly believed he would improve. That he would regain SOME mobility. He did not. Not only did I stay on as his wife, I am also his sole caregiver. This has truly been the hardest 12 years of my life. I love my husband very much but I mourn the life, husband, father and provider that I lost.
People don’t understand that quadriplegia is worse than death. In a death, there is closure. There is no closure in our situation. Day after day I watch the man I gave my life to become a man I barely recognize. His mind is still 100% but I didn’t just marry him for his mind. I married him because I knew he would be the best husband, father and provider any woman could ask for.
Now I am not able to have sex with him, he can’t hug me or hold my hand it is pure torture. I have the man I love right here but he is no longer the man he was. I will never leave but I question my decision from time to time. My health is bad. My body has injuries that I can’t fix because I can’t be down.
If I’m not able to take care of him, who will? And believe me when I tell you, there is A LOT more to taking care of a quadriplegic than just having to feed him. I have seen people lose their spouses to death in these past 12 years and I’ve seen them remarry and live a new life. That is not possible in my situation. I am in limbo and very sad that this happened to us.
What to do? How do you remain mentally strong?
Listen up. Life will throw the nastiest punches, and a paralyzed husband is one of those unexpected uppercuts. If you’re asking how to stay mentally strong, you’re already halfway there. You’re seeking solutions, not wallowing in weakness.
Firstly, remind yourself who you are—a resilient individual who doesn’t crumble under adversity. Strength isn’t about physical prowess; it’s about mental toughness. You’re now the pillar of your household, and you need to embrace that role with the ferocity of a lioness.
Routine. Discipline. These are non-negotiable. Wake up early, attack the day with a clear, focused mind. Prioritize your health: eat right, exercise, meditate. Your husband’s situation doesn’t change your obligation to be your best self. Hell, it amplifies it.
Set goals—both short-term and long-term. Short-term, look at the day-to-day tasks; long-term, plan for a future where you both thrive despite the challenges. Don’t dwell on “what could have been,” focus on “what’s possible now.”
Surround yourself with a tribe of warriors, people who lift you up. Dump the naysayers, the pity-party folks from your life. They’re anchors dragging you down. Instead, align with those who push you to be better, stronger.
Educate yourself. Understand his condition, the medical jargon, the care strategies. Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more control you gain over the situation. You can’t fight an enemy you don’t understand.
And let’s get real about your emotional state—you’re allowed to feel pain, anger, frustration. But dwelling in those emotions is a luxury you can’t afford. Acknowledge them, then convert that energy into action. Therapy is not a taboo; it’s a resource. Utilize it if needed.
Financial independence is key. Secure your finances, find multiple income streams if you have to. A strong financial base gives you options, relieves stress, and strengthens resolve.
Communication is crucial. Talk to your husband, express your fears, your hopes, your plans. This is a partnership, albeit a tougher one now. His feelings matter; his input is valuable. You’re in this together.
Finally, remember why you started this journey. Love, respect, commitment. These aren’t just words; they’re your foundation. When the storm hits, they’re your anchor. Hold tight to them.
In summary: embody discipline, focus on growth, guard your mental fortitude, and stand tall as the unwavering force your family needs. Life has thrown you a curveball, but you’ve got the bat to hit it out of the park.
Do you understand? Life is hard, but you’re harder. Walk like a champion, think like a conqueror, and you’ll not just survive—you’ll thrive. No excuses. Only results.
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There you have it. Like Slay Motivation would say, you don’t whine about the storm; you become the storm.
Contributor Kristyn Hallin
People don't understand that quadriplegia is worse than death. In a death, there is closure. There is no closure in our situation.
