Guide Budget: $1 million +
**YOUR MANSION IS A CLOSET COMPARED TO THIS: THE EXTRA SPACIOUS BILLIONAIRE FORTRESS THAT’LL MAKE YOUR EGO CRY (BETAS CAN’T AFFORD THE AIR)**
Listen up, peasants. You think your “luxury” penthouse with its sad little pool and walk-in closet impresses anyone? Pathetic. Let me school you on the **ONLY MANSION THAT MATTERS**—a galactic-scale, extra-spacious alpha bunker so massive, so opulent, it’ll make Dubai’s skyscrapers look like LEGO blocks. If your net worth isn’t measured in private islands and war chests, close this tab. You’re not built for this life.
—
### **1. THE ENTRANCE: A 10-MILE DRIVEWAY OF HUMILIATION**
Your driveway? A glorified parking spot. This fortress starts with a **10-mile, gold-plated road** guarded by robotic lions that breathe fire. Want to ring the doorbell? Survive the obstacle course first: landmine dodging, a crypto quiz, and a 500-pound bribe to the AI butler. No Lambo? No entry. Walk home, peasant.
—
### **2. THE ARCHITECTURE: GOD’S DRAFTING BOARD**
Your mansion has “rooms”? Cute. This fortress is **50,000 square miles** of pure dominance. The walls? Carved from asteroid ore and polished with diamond dust. The roof? A retractable dome that launches satellites for fun. The floors? Glass panels floating over a **shark-infacted moat of liquid Bitcoin**. You trip? Congrats, you’re shark food *and* poor.
—
### **3. THE AMENITIES: SPACE IS FOR LOSERS**
– **The Garage**: Holds 1,000 hypercars… *underground*. The parking robots cost more than your bloodline.
– **The Ballroom**: Fits 10,000 people… *and their egos*. Dance floor made of crushed Rolexes.
– **The “Guest Wing”**: A **private city** with a nightclub, hospital, and prison (for rivals who disrespect the dress code).
– **The Zero-Gravity Room**: Where I negotiate mergers… while floating. Your meetings? Zoom calls in pajamas.
—
### **4. THE STAFF: ELITE SLAVES TO YOUR LEGACY**
Your maid is Karen from Craigslist. My staff? **Navy SEALs** serve cocktails, *Miss Universe* winners scrub toilets, and the chef is a Michelin-starred warlord who cooks endangered species. Vegan? The staff will laugh you into a coma.
—
### **5. SECURITY: LAUGH AT POVERTY**
Your alarm system? A yapping Chihuahua. This fortress is guarded by **AI drones** that vaporize intruders and tweet their bank balances to shame their families. Try hacking in? The firewall is powered by the combined rage of every beta who ever doubted me.
—
### **6. THE FLEX: SPACE SO VAST IT BREAKS PHYSICS**
– **The Backyard**: A rainforest, a desert, and a ski slope… *indoors*. Climate control so precise, it snows on your enemies’ birthdays.
– **The Pool**: A **10-acre ocean** with artificial waves and a sunken yacht club. You “swim”? I race great white sharks.
– **The Closet**: Bigger than your hometown. One section just for diamond shoelaces.
—
### **7. EXCLUSIVITY: YOU’LL DIE TRYING**
Location? It’s **a moving target**—hovering between international waters and Mars orbit. To even *see* it, you’ll need:
– A blood oath signed in platinum.
– 10 referrals from trillionaires.
– A live-streamed sacrifice of your life savings.
Still here? You’re delusional.
—
### **8. SOCIAL MEDIA RULE: NO PHONES, ONLY POWER**
You’d sell your soul to Instagram this place. Too bad. Phones get **crushed into confetti** at the door. You’ll leave with one souvenir: an NFT deed to 0.0000001% of the property (worth more than your soul).
—
### FINAL WARNING: THIS ISN’T A HOME. IT’S A MIDDLE FINGER TO THE UNIVERSE.**
You want a “mansion”? Go rent a studio. You want to **LIVE LIKE A GOD WHO OWNS TIME**? This fortress is your throne. But let’s be real—99.9% of you reading this will die in a studio apartment, clutching a coupon book. And that’s how it should be.
**Stay homeless,**
– The Landlord of the Galaxy 🌌🏰
**PS:** Comment “I’ll lick the driveway” if you think you’re worthy. (You’re not. But the attempt amuses me.)**
Guide Budget: $1 million +
Slay Concierge Purchase note
This listing information is reserved exclusively for GOLD PLUS VIP MEMBERS. CLICK HERE TO BECOME A MEMBER
Listen up, peasants. You think your “luxury” penthouse with its sad little pool and walk-in closet impresses anyone? Pathetic. Let me school you on the **ONLY MANSION THAT MATTERS**—a galactic-scale, extra-spacious alpha bunker so massive, so opulent, it’ll make Dubai’s skyscrapers look like LEGO blocks. If your net worth isn’t measured in private islands and war chests, close this tab. You’re not built for this life.
