
Concierge Price: $100 per box
**Elitist Hot Chocolate Matte Porcelain Subway Tiles? Let Me Tell You Why Your Kitchen is a JOKE Without Them”**
Listen here, broke boy. You’re sitting there sipping your lukewarm tap water, scrolling Instagram, pretending your sad little “DIY kitchen remodel” isn’t a glorified dumpster fire. You think slapping up bargain-bin tiles from Home Depot makes you a winner? Pathetic. Let me school you on what REAL luxury looks like. You’re about to learn why **Elitist Hot Chocolate Matte Porcelain Subway Tiles** aren’t just a product—they’re a WAR CRY against mediocrity.
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### **1. YOUR TILES ARE FOR WEAK MEN. THESE? THEY’RE FOR KINGS.**
You know what I see when I walk into your kitchen? *Weakness*. Chipped edges. Grout stained with regret. Tiles so cheap they scream *“I gave up on my dreams.”* Meanwhile, I’m out here building empires, kissing my titanium Rolex, and my backsplash? **Elitist Hot Chocolate Matte Porcelain.** You think that’s a coincidence?
These tiles aren’t *designed*—they’re **engineered** to humiliate peasants like you. Matte finish? That’s not “flat.” That’s *stealth wealth*. Hot chocolate hue? It’s not “brown.” It’s the color of dominance, like a panther made of liquid cash. Every inch screams, *“I don’t just win—I OWN the game.”*
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### **2. YOU’RE NOT BUYING TILES. YOU’RE BUYING A LIFESTYLE.**
Let’s get one thing straight: Normies don’t get it. They see a *tile*. I see a **statement**. These subway tiles aren’t for “subways”—they’re for the *private jets* of kitchens. The matte porcelain isn’t just “scratch-resistant”—it’s *failure-resistant*. Spill your soy latte on this surface? It’ll laugh in your face while your basic ceramic tiles weep like a beta male.
You want to know why I drive a Bugatti? Same reason my kitchen looks like a villain’s lair. **Exclusivity.** These tiles aren’t sold in stores. You don’t “find” them. You *earn* them. While you’re clipping coupons for peel-and-stick trash, I’m wiring six figures to a Swiss architect who breathes rare marble dust.
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### **3. “BUT Slay Tiles concierge, IT’S JUST A BACKSPLASH—” SHUT YOUR MOUTH.**
No. *No.* This is why you’re poor. You think small. You think *practical*. Let me drop truth bombs on your peasant brain: **Luxury isn’t functional. It’s psychological warfare.**
When your Tinder date walks into my penthouse, she’s not staring at my tiles because they’re “easy to clean.” She’s staring because they’re a **flex** so violent, it rewires her DNA. That “Hot Chocolate” glaze? It’s not a color—it’s a *hypnotic pattern* that whispers, *“This man doesn’t just cook steak—he devours competition.”*
Meanwhile, your Ikea kitchenette? It’s giving *“microwave ramen and crippling debt.”*
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### **4. THE WORLD IS DIVIDED INTO TWO PEOPLE…**
**A)** Losers who think “subway tile” belongs in a $5 footlong sandwich shop.
**B)** Winners who install **Elitist Matte Porcelain** and watch peasants seethe.
You think I’m joking? Walk into a room with these tiles and watch what happens. Men *salute*. Women *curtsy*. Houseguests accidentally call you “sir.” These tiles aren’t decor—they’re a **hierarchy**. And you’re either at the top, breathing rare air, or you’re in the basement with your discount linoleum.
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### **5. HERE’S HOW YOU GET THEM (IF YOU’RE STRONG ENOUGH)**
Step 1: Sell your soul. Liquidate your crypto. Empty your 401(k). This isn’t a *purchase*—it’s an **initiation**.
Step 2: Hire a contractor who’s fluent in Italian design philosophy (Google Translate won’t save you here).
Step 3: Watch your old life crumble. Friends? Gone. They can’t handle your ascent. Family? Jealous. Your kitchen is now a **cathedral**, and you’re the god they pray to.
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### **BOTTOM LINE:**
The **Elitist Hot Chocolate Matte Porcelain Subway Tile** isn’t for “homeowners.” It’s for **conquerors**. For men who wear tailored suits to take out the trash. For women who file nails sharper than your life choices.
Still reading? Good. Now get off your knees, stop crying about “budgets,” and start acting like the Top Slaylebrity you pretend to be online.
Or keep your sad little kitchen. I don’t care. Winners win. Losers? They post DIY tutorials.
*– Your Final Boss, OG Slay Tiles Concierge special *
🔥 **UPGRADE OR GET LEFT BEHIND.** 🔥
*(P.S. If you can’t afford these tiles, sell your car. Walk. Suffer. It builds character.)* 💪
SPECIFICATIONS
KEY SPECS
Colorway
Taupe
Commercial
Wall | Floor
Item Size
2.75″ x 11.02″
Material
Porcelain
Residential
Wall | Floor
Tile Finish
Matte
DETAILED SPECS
Available Sizes
3×11″, 4×36″, 4×4″, 4×12″
Breaking Strength
>1300 N
Chemical Resistant
Yes
Coverage
0.21
DCOF
>.42
Frost Resistant
Yes
Location
Backsplash, Bathroom, Indoor, Kitchen, Outdoor, Pool, Shower
Look
Subway Tile
MOHS
7
Made In
Spain
Outdoor Use
Wall | Floor
PEI Rating
4
Patterns
Rectangle
Pieces Per Box
24
Recommended Grout Joint
1/8″
Sample Size
3″ x 11″
Shade Variation
V1
Sq Ft Per Box
5.05
Stain Resistance
5
Style
Contemporary, Modern
Sustainability
LEED, HPD, EPD
Tile Faces
1
Tile Thickness
9 mm
Tile Use
Backsplash, Bathroom Floor, Bathroom Wall, Commercial Floor, Floor Tile, Kitchen Floor, Kitchen Wall, Outdoor Floor, Outdoor Wall, Pool Tile, Shower Floor, Shower Wall, Wall Tile
Water Absorption
<5%
Weight
22.2 lbs
Concierge Price: $100 per box
Slay Concierge Purchase note
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