Guide Price: $5000
**🔥🚨THIS CHAIR COSTS MORE THAN YOUR LIFE SAVINGS—AND IT’S NOT FOR YOU🚨🔥**
**LISTEN HERE, IKEA-SMELLING PEASANTS.** While you’re out here bragging about your particleboard coffee tables and “assembly required” existence, let me introduce you to the **ULTIMATE FLEX IN FURNITURE**: the *Billionaire Wife Extra Gold Luxe Collectible Chair*. This isn’t a seat—it’s a **THRONE FOR GODS**, and if you have to ask the price, **YOU’RE ALREADY DISQUALIFIED.**
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### 👑 **BREAKDOWN: THIS CHAIR WILL END YOUR MARRIAGE (AND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT)**
1️⃣ **HAND-CARVED BY MEXICAN EBANISTAS**: You think your Amazon “luxury” stool is art? **PATHETIC.** This chair is carved by artisans who laugh at your existence. Every curve is a **MIDDLE FINGER TO MEDIOCRITY**, polished by the tears of peasants who’ll never afford it.
2️⃣ **24-KARAT GOLD METALLIC ACRYLIC PAINT**: Your girlfriend’s tacky nail art? **IRRELEVANT.** This chair is dipped in gold so blinding, it’ll make King Midas file for bankruptcy. The finish? **LASTS LONGER THAN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.**
3️⃣ **CUSTOMIZED WITH *YOUR* NAIL POLISH**: That’s right. Send your favorite shade, and Marjorie Skouras herself will slather it on Titi’s claws. **YOUR NAME + YOUR COLOR = A FLEX SO LOUD, IT SILENCES CRITICS.**
4️⃣ **SUSTAINABLE? OF COURSE IT IS.** Because billionaires don’t just dominate—**THEY SAVE THE PLANET WHILE DOING IT.** Your “recycled” tote bag? Cute. This chair is *art*, *power*, and *eco-clout* rolled into one.
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### 💸 **WHY THIS ISN’T A CHAIR—IT’S A *LOYALTY TEST***
You think Lamborghinis are a status symbol? **BORING.** Real wealth sits on a Titi Chair. This masterpiece has graced mansions from Malibu to Monaco, featured in magazines that **YOUR MAID READS TO YOU**. It’s not furniture—it’s a **CULTURAL RESET**.
Own this, and you’re not just rich. You’re **UNTouchABLE**. Your “friends” will *hate you*. Your enemies will *worship you*. And your spouse? They’ll finally stop asking for a divorce.
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### 🚫 **WARNING: WEAK PEOPLE NEED NOT APPLY**
This chair isn’t for “homeowners.” It’s for **EMPIRE OWNERS**. The kind of people who buy islands for fun and fire employees for breathing too loud.
You’ll try to justify buying it. *“But my therapist said I need self-care!”* **NO.** Self-care is for the poor. This is **SELF-WORSHIP**.
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### 👇 **HOW TO BUY IT (IF YOU DARE)**
Slide to the end of this listing. **NO**, not with a sad selfie. After you pay Send:
– Proof of net worth (eight figures **MINIMUM**).
– A vial of your nail polish (if it’s not Chanel, don’t bother).
– A written apology for ever owning a La-Z-Boy.
Price? **IF YOU ASK, YOU’RE BROKE.** But for the elite? Let’s just say it costs less than your child’s trust fund but lasts longer than your legacy.
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### ⏳ **LAST CHANCE: THE CLOCK’S TICKING, SWEATY**
Every minute you hesitate, some Saudi oil prince is buying **TEN** of these to match his fleet of gold-plated yachts. **MOVE FAST**—or go back to your sad little life of “coupon codes” and cardboard furniture.
**YOUR MOVE, “HUSTLER.”**
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🔥 **EMAIL “THRONE” NOW—OR STAY A PEASANT.** 🔥
**#SitLikeABoss #GoldOrBroke #TitiOrTragic**
*P.S. If your chair doesn’t terrify maids, you bought the wrong one.* 💅
Guide Price: $5000
LISTEN HERE, IKEA-SMELLING PEASANTS.** While you’re out here bragging about your particleboard coffee tables and ‘assembly required’ existence, let me introduce you to the **ULTIMATE FLEX IN FURNITURE**: the *Billionaire Wife Extra Gold Luxe Collectible Chair*. This isn’t a seat—it’s a **THRONE FOR GODS**, and if you have to ask the price, **YOU’RE ALREADY DISQUALIFIED
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